


On The Last Breath

by PurrOSaurusRex



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Confession, M/M, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 07:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2058708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurrOSaurusRex/pseuds/PurrOSaurusRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I had caught him. I had caught him and now he lay below me on the ground, half dead. This is what I wanted wasn't it? So then why do I feel such remorse when I look down? What is it inside me that makes me regret my decision so much?</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Last Breath

At first I felt accomplishment.

It felt great at first. I finally squashed the flea that had plagued him for so long, the one who made him violent, the one who he had screamed at and chased a million. But when he looked at the flea, crushed under the machine, bleeding from the corners of his mouth, laying half dead on the ground. The satisfaction was gone.

Was this what he had been looking for? Me, who hated violence, who hated his strength? Was this it? It couldn’t be…

It felt so wrong, but the flea just smirked up at me like usual.

"Finish the job Shizu-chan, its just cruel to leave a guy like this.” That voice…it was weak, it was irritating. Had I not been filled with horror and self loathing that voice might have drove me to anger again, but I just stared. I had done this. _Why_ wasn’t I pleased? Nausea bubbled in my throat, my stomach was doing flips and what felt like a mass of large birds fluttered about inside of it. I could’ve puked if I wasn’t frozen. I shook my head, trying to back away.

Here in this back alley no one saw us. Soon someone would come, someone always did. And if they saw...forget ever gaining peoples trust, they all feared me- but this would turn that fear into something deeper. It would confirm I was that monster they all thought I was. My thoughts were interrupted by that irritating voice. “Shizu-chan…no- Shizuo. I'm waiting. This is what you’ve waited for…you can’t run away anymore. Just finish the job. Just _kill_ me.” There was something far deeper in his voice. Desperation. “You could never imagine how much this hurt. Having every bone in my body crushed, having every organ bleeding out slowly, just kill me… Kill me!” His crazy laughter erupted from his broken body, he coughed, his blood pouring out until he couldn’t even manage that and just laid there. “Kill me.” There it was. Unmasked desperation…

I breathed steadily through my mouth. This wouldn’t be hard. I've always wanted this. My feet drug on the ground against my will as I walked over to him, picking up the vending machine again.

He looked worse than I had thought. My feeling of nausea surfaced again. _I had done this._ No wonder i was a monster.

I lifted the machine above my head slowly. I’d done it so many times, but this time my arms shook so hard I could've accidentally dropped it on myself. He stared at me with carmine eyes, waiting for me to move, to speak, _something,_ and for the longest time I didn’t. But then I did. I set the machine down, and I picked up the flea, his body small against my own and half crushed in form. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you to a hospital.” It was the first thing I said since the scream of rage that had begun my rampage. I followed the path of my own destruction, not glancing at him, but I could feel his usual amused stare looking up at me

“Acting against my predictions as usual, I see.”

“Shut up, you half dead flea.”

“It’s true, though. Are you suffering from a fever today Shizu-chan?” He had gone from desperate to his usual jeering manner. “One minute my death is the only thing you want, and now you’re trying to save me… You must be a stupid beast after all.” I didn't respond. I walked more quickly. His annoying voice was fading and we both knew it. I had almost broken into a run when we got to the corner by the hospital. Nothing had stopped me the whole way, not crowds, not the stares they gave me. I was used to that, but the dying informant in my arms was starting to get to me. I felt the warmth of his blood soaking through my clothes.

“Stop. The view is nice here….”

“The view? Are you insane? You’re dying and you want to look at the view?”

“Shut up and sit down over there where no one can see us.” I did- maybe out of shock. I sat cross legged, holding the smaller body in my lap as he leaned heavily on me. I realized he wasn’t looking at any view, he was just leaning on me with his eyes closed. I could tell he’d given up, and I think I did too at that point. We stayed quiet for a while, until he breathed in deeply, breaking the silence. Then in a strained and weak voice, he spoke.

“Thank you… it’s been a fun game…” He had a small satisfied smirk on his face

“Why thank me for…for...for this?"

“I’m thanking you for the attention, so shut up and take it…”

   We sat in silence again, and for a long time I listened to his breaths get weaker and shallower, and just when he was on what sounded like his last one, I saw his lips move. mouthing unspoken words, his last words.

    Three syllables, three syllables I’d never once in my life had said to me but I understood them. And that was when I understood. The knot in my stomach, the feeling like I could throw up any second. The feeling I got when he ridiculed or teased me, or when someone brought it up… All this time I’d had it all wrong.

I breathed in and in that last little moment he had, I told him what it all meant. My reply to his silently mouthed last words…

“I love you too…Izaya.”

 


End file.
